i suppose i've had a lot of things on my mind lately, and how i feel about a design career seems to fluctuate everyday. although i do enjoy what i'm doing here, i've been thinking whether or not design is what i'll actually be doing in a few years. for one thing, it's definitely a different lifestyle from the normal 9-5 workday, which i suppose is something i've always wanted to avoid, primarily because i thought it was boring. lately however, i suppose i've been reevaluating my priorities not necessarily on purpose, but i think life simply forces you to do that at various times, you know what i mean? anyway, i think i want...
...more time for other things.
because of course, there are more important things than making clothes. maybe that makes me more boring. maybe it's unavoidable. i actually don't really care.
as a guy in our modern world, i also feel the pressure to get a job and have a 5-year plan, for better or for worse. getting a job is not that bad, as i'd like to become completely financially independent from my parents, but having a 5-year plan is a little ridiculous. who knows what anyone will be doing in 5 years--it can all change in a heartbeat. why bother making a plan? :-) of course, i'm being facetious. plans can be useful; you just shouldn't put all your faith in them. who knows? after this year, i may just quit school and get a job. i'd like to stay in new york and in the fashion industry though (if not in design). perhaps by the end of the year i'll have made some connections that will turn into employment muahahaha.
something else that always seems to be in the back of my mind is the idea of a noble life--or a life that matters to more people than yourself--like that of william wilburforce, for instance. films like amazing grace never cease to move me. i think we all want to matter to someone else or to several other people, and the way we seek to satisfy this desire manifests in many forms: romance, philanthropy, popularity, etc. or perhaps all i really want is a state funeral with soldiers, bagpies, drums, and rifles. but in all seriousness, anything other than the truth of the Gospels will eventually fade. the desire to live a life that matters is natural, but we do not necessarily need to satisfy it by being a faithful spouse or a champion of social justice--in Christ alone (which just happens to be my favorite hymn) are we justified. i find myself looking forward to sundays the most, primarily because of church. although i haven't found a spiritual home here yet, i have a feeling i'm close. i must admit however, i do miss the summit.
i suppose i've been feeling a little homesick lately. they say that home is where the heart is. the problem is that part of my heart is in texas, another part is here in new york, and yet another part is at duke. so i suppose i'm actually feeling a bit homeless...like zach braff in garden state, which i surprisingly haven't watched in over a year now and which i won't be watching anytime soon since my dvd's in texas. i do however, wish that finding some alone time here were easier. there's just so many people everywhere in manhattan.
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