in retrospect...

although i wasn't able to bartend because i was going to leave in 2 months and i wasn't able to apprentice under chloe dao because i wasn't able to get another portfolio together in time because i ran out of copies of the one i used to apply to FIT, spilled tea on my originals (just my luck) and deleted the scans from my computer, foolishly thinking i wouldn't need those anymore--a prime example of my tendency to throw away things (don't worry, this doesn't apply to my friendships...generally...haha i kid), my summer was rather pleasant.  i became occupied with helping my parents decorate the house and we're STILL NOT FINISHED.  goodness, my family is so picky.  nevertheless, i'll post pictures soon of our progress.  i made it out to the lawndale art center today.  they generally exhibit local artists and there were a few interesting pieces but overall nothing terribly exciting.

daniel and michael might come to houston next week.  it'll be a jolly good time but i need to get some more riesling before they arrive...

last, but hopefully not least, if you're interested in sending my lonesome self some love through the post, here's my FIT address for the next year:

FIT residence halls c/o andrew li

230 west 27th st.

new york, ny 10001

ciao!

just some recurrent thoughts...

Lord, I'm tired, so tired from walking

and Lord I'm so alone

I know the dark is creeping in

creeping up to swallow me

i think i'll stop

rest here a while

and this is all that i can say right now

and this is all that i can give

i didn't notice You were standing here

i didn't know that that was You holding me

i didn't notice You were crying too

i didn't know that that was You washing my feet

all i can say - david crowder

Jesus wept.

john 11:35

come ye sinners, poor and needy

weak and wounded, sick and sore

Jesus ready, stands to save you

full of pity, love and power

i will arise and go to Jesus

He will embrace me in His arms

and in the arms of my dear Savior

oh there are ten thousand charms

come ye weary, heavy-laden

lost and ruined by the Fall

if you tarry till you're better

you will never come at all

come ye sinners - joseph hart, 1759

love

it'll push you around

it'll make you a poor man

change your picture of heaven

love - justin mcroberts (one of the best song about the nature of love that i've ever heard--it'll change your life!)

these songs/verses always get to me so i'll let my words be few and let them speak for themselves.  i'm always asking myself what the right thing to do is and usually it overcomes whatever desires or prejudices i have...but sometimes...doing the right thing just plain sucks...

...life sure can wear us down sometimes...

farewell, my social life...

and now i present to you my fall schedule:

that's 6 classes and 16.5 credit hours!

now, i didn't choose to take this many classes.  i have to do this in order to graduate in 3 years.  since i already have a liberal arts degree, i don't have to take any liberal arts classes at FIT, which shaves off 1 year from a traditionally 4-year program.  the trade off however, is that i have to take 6 classes per semester during my first year.  since i took figure drawing at duke however, i'm going to try and see if i can drop FA 105 - LIFE DRAWING.  that would bring down the number of credit hours i'll be taking to 15, which i suppose is approximately equivalent to taking 5 classes at duke...except that these classes are more time-consuming.

in other news, i finally made it out to the contemporary arts museum today.  it was a good bit smaller than i had anticipated, consisting of only one large open space and a basement where the gift shop was.  being so small, they only exhibit the works of 1 artist at a time.  this time, it was sam taylor-wood.  a woman, not a man.  not sure how i feel about her work, interesting as it was:

1. large portraits of famous celebrities crying, including hayden christensen, tim roth, ed harris, lawrence fishburne, forest whitaker, benicio del toro, and daniel craig

2. an hour and 7 minute video of david beckham sleeping (it said so in the description--i did not stand there and watch the whole thing thank you very much)

3. a video of a cellist playing a piece without the actual cello--essentially going through the motions accompanied by a recording of the piece he was "playing"

4. a naked woman and a dead, decomposing swan

5. a video of a man and woman arguing that ends with the woman kneeing the man between the legs

6. and several pictures like this one:

i wonder how this was done.  probably not something i should try at home...

alone here with my doubt...

where do i even begin?

i leave for new york in less than 2 weeks now and i suppose my mood has started to fluctuate between excitement and anxiety more frequently than before.  much of this post will echo what i wrote in a previous one but time has since helped me to flush out my thoughts more deeply.  i think the impetus for this post was the sudden (and delayed) realization of the transition i'm about to make and its full implications.  funny how these things always tend to do that.

this is it.  this is my chance to do something extraordinary.  it's still hard to believe.  but how will i define success in this industry?  it's a question that i still haven't answered fully. because i believe that Jesus Christ died so that i may truly live, i believe that it is imperative that my definition of success be influenced by this fact.  but what will that look like in this industry?  i don't know.  and i think that realistically it's a little naive to say at this point that i'm going do everything fair and good.  i'd certainly like to but to put it simply i place no confidence in the flesh.  what will i do when the day comes when i have to make a lucrative but morally ambiguous decision?  will i make the right one?  i simply don't know.  one thing i've learned about myself this summer that has been encouraging in this regard but is also a double-edged sword is that i don't like compromising.  this includes my ideals, my vision, etc.  at the same time of course, this causes problems in other areas, especially when dealing with people.  but let's be serious, guys. it's my way or the highway ;-)

one of my longest and firmest held beliefs is that christianity is not an excuse for mediocrity--a phenomenon i've seen more instances of than i would like.  and naturally, i think one should set their goals high.  does that mean fame and fortune in my case?  it would be nice :-)  but i don't think these are legitimate goals.  a life lived for the sake fame and fortune would be rather meaningless i think.  i just want to make clothes that people can wear.  fame and fortune are simply the side effects.  i suppose that perhaps what i'm saying is that one shouldn't toil simply for the associated rewards.  yes, i think that is what i'm saying.  i realize however, that this too may be a little naive.  but i believe that God calls us to excellence in all things and since when was difficulty an excuse not to do something?

do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  then you will be able to test and approve of what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

romans 12:2

we can take heart however, in knowing that nothing that will ever trouble us will compare to the despair and loneliness that Jesus experienced at gethsemane, where his repeated prayers were met with silence from God and abandonment from his closest friends.  God, knowing what had to be done, had already begun to turn His face away and Jesus, after an eternity of oneness with God, had his first taste of what it felt like to be forsaken by the Father.  i mean, he was sweating blood!  for the life of me, i don't seem to recall the last time i did that.  Jesus experienced complete separation from God so that we would never have to.

"never will I leave you; never will i forsake you."  so we say with confidence, "the Lord is my helper, i will not be afraid.  what can man do to me?"

hebrews 13:5-6

crowd control tactic no. 24...

went to a "water garden" today to look for a large rock that could be used for a fountain in the backyard and saw this sign in front of the cashier:

UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE GIVEN AN EXPRESSO AND A FREE PUPPY.

last night...

i had 3 glasses of wine at dinner and later slept like a baby.  it was wonderful.

no such luck tonight...

...so i've been on youtube:

in transit...

finally received a housing assignment today which is a relief because i still haven't found an apartment!  of course, i eventually want to get my own apartment and get away from that college feel but while i'm adjusting to my first year in a new city and a new school, i suppose a dorm is an acceptable alternative. all this time spent thinking about housing in new york however, has caused me to begin feeling rather transient recently.  i suppose that's just the nature of this american life starting from the time you graduate from high school until the time you get your first job and your own place.  then one day, you wake up next to someone in bed and you think to yourself, "WHERE THE HELL AM I?"  now i'm starting to sound like zach braff...moving right along now...

i went to barnes & noble the other day hoping to finally pick up a copy of fever pitch by nick hornby.  i thought i owed it to myself to read it, since it is about my favorite sports team, arsenal. however...they didn't have it in stock!  i was rather upset.